Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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