plz talk dirty to me
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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