i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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