Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
