I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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