While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Drake has all the answers
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
