You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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