If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish I could teleport
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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