i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
