Do you still have your period?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
