I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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