Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
