I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
