Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
