she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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