She is in my trunk
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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