clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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