If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
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