I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
