Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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