wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
