I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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