I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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