Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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