I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
