Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
