I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
