does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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