Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
