Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
