i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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