Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
