Quick, to the slutcave!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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