butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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