You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
