i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
