Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My liver is preforming stress tests.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
