He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He did a backflip because drugs
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
