Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
