how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
