just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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