I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
