as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
