My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
