tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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