I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
