we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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