Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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