I CAN MOONWALK!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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