found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
